Buckley is Famous!

Buckley made the papers this morning.  No, not in the Police Blotter like you may have expected.  This is the new Buckley and he is front page news now!

If you haven't checked it out, find yourself a copy of the Stamford Advocate or just check it out online.  All the normal readers of the SA must be asking themselves the same question, "how does someone working at Colony Grill stay so thin??"

Keep up the hard work Mark!

MNW #2

Well another week has come and gone and despite a couple of weak moments Buckley has made some giant strides towards his goal weight of 168 lbs.  In fact, he now stands only 9 lbs short.  That's right, the results of this Monday Night Weigh-in were a big drop of 8 lbs, all the way down to 177 lbs.  Congrats Buckley, you're wasting away! 

Goes easy on those celebration pies Buck!  You can't splurge yet just because you're ahead of the curve.  Remember, the next 9 lbs will be harder than the first 11 lbs. 

As for the Buckley Bucks challenges (you may have noticed there were only 2 instead of 3 - sorry, just been a long week): well since LunchPail, Tony Highrider, and Launchpad McQuack all had me laughing out loud we'll make good on our prize.  Send an email to buckleyisfat@gmail.com so I know where to send the goods.

Buckley Bucks Challenge #2

Mark has been working on his fitness for 2 weeks now and the results are astonishing.  I could see it in the cavalier way he was gulping down vodka sodas last night that he has a new found confidence.  People are really responding his tranformation too; everywhere we went heads were turning.  As you can see from this updated picture, the pounds are just melting away!    

...except for that face and chest fat, which we all know is the hardest to lose.  Thanks for the updated photo Buckley!  Best caption in the comments section wins one free Buckley Buck redeemable from this scantily clad pin up.

Buckley Bucks Comment Challenge #1

If you don't remember, Buckley's Fun Run nearly ended in disaster.  His feet and knees hurt and he nearly collapsed from exhaustion.  In fact, he was even having trouble speaking so it is only fair that we try to make sense of his facial expression and decifer what he would have said if not for the unbearable weight crushing down on his chest.  For the first chance at a delicious satisfying free Colony Pizza please complete any of the following captions:

 

Option A: "That run destroyed me, I don't I'll ever be able to _______________ again!" 

Option B: "I'm so hungry I could eat a _____________!"

Options C: "              (now you've got the idea so feel free to caption it anyway you want)          "

Don't be shy now.  We're looking for the most creative or otherwise funny response.  No need to stop at one either.  Remember, we're playing for Buckley Bucks (Colony pizza) so give it your best shot.

A Wager within a Wager

Leaving the house today I could sense something new in Buckley's level of determination.  First of all he has limited himself to just two packets of oatmeal for breakfast (he usually eats 4).  It also sounds like he is stepping up his game with the work out regiment.  This doesn't mean crushing free weights or running suicides, no, that's not his style.  Instead, Grandpa Buckley will be doing calisthenics to increase his physical proweress.

Buckley obviously sensed a new found glory in himself too. This morning he GUARANTEED that his coming Monday Night Weigh-in would be 180 lbs (down from last week's 185)!  So, what exactly is a Buckley guarantee worth?


Answer: Three free pizza's from Colony.  We might as well call them "Buckley Bucks" since they are now his preferred currency for any wagers.


The man's feeling pretty confident in himself but that's a bet I'm willing to take to the bank.  However, I'm also willing to get our readership involved in the gamble.  So here's my proposition: I'll give 3 opportunities between now and for our readers to share their whit in the comments section.  In each case, whichever comment makes us laugh the hardest will earn themselves one free Buckley Buck with all the fixin's.

For any non-local readers: don't be hesitant to accept this challenge.  If you win the wager I'll find a way to get the -za to your doorstep.

If you're asking yourself, "what happens if Buckley actually makes it to 180 lbs by MNW?"  Well first of all, you are probably one of the only 14% that put their absolute confidence behind him in our recent poll.  Secondly, we'll make sure the winners don't walk away empty handed.

So stay tuned, the first "Buckley Buck Comment Contest" opportunity will show up sometime between now and 6 pm tonight.

Dieting Tip from a Pro

Buckley told me about a dieting tip he got from a loyal Colony Grill customer who is also a local gym owner. What I was expecting to hear was that he advocated a balanced portion controlled diet coupled with a moderate exercise regiment.  Instead, White Goodman's solution to dropping pounds is to wolf down a Hot Oil Stinger pizza from Colony once a week....?

Okay, so his reasoning is that a Colony's stinger pie (which is covered in whole jalapeno peppers and dripping in hot oil) is like a supercharged laxative capable of inducing some serious IBS which is going to successfully clear out your entire system. In all honesty he has a point, but is this really the best path to a slimmer you?

Thanks for the tip Goodman.  We probably would've settled for 15% of the bill but I'm sure your sage advice will pay the heating bill somehow.

Fun Run

This weekend was fairly warm so despite some reluctance to have me join him, Buckley let me join him on a run.  The run was to cover between 1.25 and 1.75 miles (depending on how he was feeling) that starts with about .2 miles of gently declining slope and ends accordingly with about .2 miles of the same gentle slope up hill.  I took some pictures along the way to properly document this work out.  Here's what I got along with captions which attempt to capture Buckley's sentiments:

Mile mark: 0.1

 Heart rate slightly elevated.  Perspiration has begun.

Buckley's thoughts: "Feeling like a champion!  I'm gonna raise my arms up in the air so I can work on my deltoids at the same time I crush this cardio.  This run is gonna be cake....mmmm, cake."

Mile mark: 0.25

 

 Heart rate at aerobic level but stable.  Sweat begins to bead on forehead and underarms.  Downhill portion of run is over.

Buckley's thoughts: "Now its time to blast my biceps by curling these 10 Jimmy Dean's too.  Maybe I should bring weights along next time to push myself to the max!"

 Mile mark: 0.75

 Heart rate continues to rise approaching unsafe levels, blood pressure increases accordingly.  Sweat soaked socks have contributed to a growing blister on the right foot, pouring into eyes and causing some minor chaffing.

 Buckley's thoughts:"Not sure there needs to be a next time.  I liked it better when we were going down hill, gravity can't help me now"

Mile mark:1.25

Heart rate has skyrocketed to unsafe levels.  Sweating is causing major chaffing especially around the nipples and groin.  Blister on right foot has popped and is bleeding.  If not treated soon, it will lead to infection.  Hair has fallen out and skin has become jaundice from insufficient circulation of oxygen.

Buckley's thoughts: "I would welcome death if it means I could stop running."

Mile mark: 1.6 the "hill"

Heart may have literally combusted.  At least that would explain the smoke coming out of his puffed up cheeks.  Jaundice has abated while all color has drained from skin.  New blister on left foot has developed and also popped.  Nipples are bleeding through undershirt and groin has lost all feeling.  Pupils are fully dilated and in all likelihood severe hallucinations are occuring.

Buckley's thoughts: Not applicable

Mile Mark 1.75: the cool down

Color returns and hallucinations stop.  Heart rate begins to slow.  Feeling returns to groin.
Buckley's thoughts: "Even walking is hard now."

Feel the burn

Don't forget the importance of stretching.
Buckley's thoughts: "I'm going back to bed."...and he did, for 2 hours.

Its Monday Night and time for MNW!!

Are you struggling for something new to gamble on Monday nights now that Monday Night Football is over?  Well struggle no more.  Monday night is now weigh-in night!

It was quite a scene:  Picture Mark marching down to the hall bathroom in a cut off t-shirt with no sleeves, rocking out to AC/DC Hells Bells.  Stepping on to the scale he takes a deep breath and allows the analog disc to render a verdict.  Anticipation peeks as we all peer in to get a closer look.

As the needle comes to rest at 185 lbs Buckley exhales, obviously a sigh of relief.  It has been 7 days and he has lost 3 lbs, and is on pace to hit his goal of 168 lbs!

Don't go out celebrating just yet Buckley, the first weight is always the easiest weight to lose.  My gut is telling me you still have to pick up the pace if you want to see this challenge through.  For now, however, it would seem your gut is showing signs of withdrawal.  Kudos!

mmmm....kudos.

Buckley is also Fat on Twitter

Since we've been having so much fun with this I've also created a Twitter account so we can get you faster updates on Buckey's status towards his target of 168 lbs. 

Check us out @BuckleyisFat to get the latest updates on Buckley meal choices, "exercise regiments", quotes, and for new post alerts.

Weekend Scoreboard

We are officially through the first weekend of the Buckley Weight Loss Challenge and in the face of overwhelming temptation our man held mostly steadfast but for one moderate yet predictable misstep: dinner on Saturday night at Mohegan Sun.

Poor planning and waning will power led to bad decisions at Chief's Deli which is right outside of the poker room.  Healthy choices are few, if any, so Buckley went with a Turkey Reuben sandwich and a side of potato salad.  As if trying to compensate for his first real digression he rounded this feast out with a pickle wedge which in all fairness could be considered the closest thing to a vegetable on the reservation.

"That's not that bad, and I've only been drinking vodka on the rocks." - FMB, Saturday, 1/11/09

Sorry Buckley, I've done some research for you and the results are not promising.  The following nutrition facts are courtesy of caloriecount.about.com and paint a poor picture for an aspiring health enthusiast like you.

First off, your Reuben alone could probably feed a family of 3.

The potato salad facts were not much better, adding another 324 calories, and close to 18 grams of fat.  You're serving of "vegetable" added an inconsequential calorie count but a spike in blood pressure from 1251 mg of sodium.

If my math is correct you would have been better off eating a teaspoon of salt (2300 mg of sodium) and slugging back a double shot of pure fat (2 fluid ounces).  At least then you would have avoided the additional sugars and cholesterol.

Alas, mistakes are made so we can learn from them and this one may well have come early enough to make up for.  Mark has been showing a good deal of self control but this choice indicates that he may also underestimate the task he's facing.  Tonight's weigh in will help him get a better idea of where exactly he stands in the game.  To me, it would seem he stands to lose about $70.

¡DANGER AHEAD!

With the weekend upon us temptation lurks at every turn.  I'll probably be going easy on posts until Sunday evening so here is what we can expect to hear about when we get back next week.

Mark will not be working for 3 days in a row and has plans to hit up Mohegan Sun on Saturday night.  Mohegan, as you probably suspect, is home to many fine dining establishments like Johnny Rockets Cafe, Big Bubba's BBQ, Krispy Kreme, and a Colony Grill rival: Pepe's Pizzeria.  I'm sure you also know, drinks are on the house for gamers.  This combination of free spirits and nearly limitless options for fast greasy food is sure to test the mettle of our subject.  Compound that with the fact that Buckley will not be driving tomorrow (he's currently in the market for a new car) so he is free to slug back as many cocktails as he can handle makes this trip to the Sun an even bigger gamble than it usually is.  Let's keep our fingers crossed that the kid doesn't crap out.

Here's another anecdote from our contributor, J-Rod, which Buckley may want to reflect on before suiting up for the poker tables:

From the desk of J-Rod:

"Buckley and Mr. Kevin Gaughan go to Foxwoods

 

July 4th weekend, a few years back, Buckley and Gaughan took a "money-making" trip up the casino to play some poker.  Extra strong cocktails are what buckley does best (or worst i guess).  Getting hammered at the tables is sometimes difficult though because the drinks come out rather slowly most of the time and you are limited to one drink at a time.  Buckley, being the clever drunk that he is, discovered a loophole in Foxwoods operation.  If you order a shot and a cocktail, they will let you take the shot first, then give you the other drink.  So Buckley decided to go with a shot of captain and a long island iced tea everytime the waitress came around.  This went on for hours.  

The rest of the story, as had been passed on by Gaughan, Buckley's poker wing man for the evening, is where it gets out of hand.  Gaughan claims he was "playing cards, sipping a drink or two", when he sees Buckley come stumbling out of the WOMENS restroom, no shoes on, with a garbage can on his head.  Apprently he stumbled over to Gaughan's table with security tailing behind him and said, "Come on, its kinda funny right?"  

Security did not think so.  Buckley was "asked" to leave the premises, but not without a sloppy struggle, and was probably saved a trip to jail by the WCSU Debate Team honed argumentative reasoning of Gaughan, who was sober enough to drove the two of them home (but not without a quick pit stop at Mohegan Sun).  Needless to say, Buckley wears his cap low to conceal his identity when he visits the indians up at Foxwoods to this day."

Take heed Buckley, you've grown a lot since then (pun intended) but the stakes are even higher these days.

Late night update....

Just got this text from Buckley:

"Ah the power of a cute female has lead me astray to a vodka soda"

Remember Buckley gets three free drinks a the end his shift plus his wallet is flush with new tip money.  Could this be the end?

Also, I've added a count down clock at the bottom of this page to help our subject keep pace.  Only 55 days, 23 hours, 31 minutes and 15 seconds left before final weigh in.

Temptation knocks

I recently heard a coworker compare pizza to sex, since even bad pizza is better than no pizza at all.  This will undoubtedly pose a challenge to our friend Mark since he recently took a job at one of the best pizza parlor/bars in the greater New York area (all you pizza enthusiasts note that I said "one of" - I'm not trying to get into pissing contest over who's pizza is better).

If you've never heard of Colony Grill you either don't live in the greater Stamford area or your a particularly strong willed member of an al Queda.

Feast your eyes on this delightful melody of processed meat, cheese and saturated dough slow cooked to perfection and drizzled with spicy hot oil:

There are no menus but even if there were the only thing they'd have on them is pizza.  Don't even try to order a salad, pasta dish, or coffee because they don't have it.  And you better come prepared to pay cash (no credit cards) or you'll be using their convenient ATM to dispense some after a convenience (for them) charge of $2.

Nonetheless, Colony is in a class of its own as one of the most tempting meals I've come to know.  Perhaps his loyalties as a customer helped secure Mark the laudable position of waiter/bartender.  And therein lies the dilemna.  Now that he can have all the pizza he could cram down his throat one slice would devastate his delicately balanced diet.

That doesn't mean the rest of us can't enjoy the spoils of his labor.

Thanks for bringing one back for me buddy!  Hope you don't mind me eating it here.

From the desk of J-Rod

Another of our roommates (there are four of us total), J-Rod, brought to light some notes about today:

1.  Today is Thursday - Buckley works a double on Thursdays.  Thats 14 hours of staring the beast (colony pizza) in the eyes.  My guess is he will fold faster than superman on laundry day.

B.  As I was leaving for work at 8:30 this morning, Buckley was suited up (sweats, winter cap) getting ready to go on a run.  Clearly, this is something he hasn't done in 3-10 years.  He asked me, "Am I supposed to stretch?  Uggghhhhh I hate stretching."  I would love to see the pace he hits the Stamford streets at.

III.  Jared the Subway guy just got engaged.  Hope for Buckley???

Thank you for contributing J-Rod.  Please keep us posted on any  further developments.

I'm also going to take this opportunity to give credit where it is due: The wager Buckley and I have running stems from an original challenge posed by J-Rod to Mark.  The conditions of that challenge are who can lose the most % body weight in the same two month period of time.  My understanding is that there is a $50 bet riding on that too so all the more incentive for Buckley to learn how to run again. 

I should also note that J-Rod is a pretty fit bro already prone to crushing weights on the reg.  He weighed in at 174 lbs (and I think he has an inch or two on Buckley too) so it goes without saying that if Buckley drops 20 lbs it would be nearly impossible for J-Rod to lose the same percentage.    Mark, you're either a savvy gambling pro for hedging your bets like this or a reckless addict in need of GA; only time will tell.

The first stage

REGRET, I've come to learn, is the first stage of this transformation.  As a result we've tweaked some of the details of our wager.  See the below excerpt of G chat conversation for an explanation:
______

Francis 

im thinkin 20lbs might be a lil unreasonable....how bout 15?

James 

you're 5'9'', there's no reason you can't weigh in at 168

Francis 

u think?

im a naturally stocky dood

James

tell you what I'll do, for every pound you lose past 20 lbs I'll give you an extra 5 bucks

but, for every pound you come up short you owe me an extra $2

Francis 

oh boy

James 

deal?

Francis 

yup____

Classic.  So, being healthier plus feeling and looking better aren't enough of an incentive to lose 20 lbs.  Pile on the hundreds of dollars he's going to save on drinking/eating less for the next two months and its still not enough.  Then, take into consideration the potentially tens of thousands of dollars worth of medical care he's going to save by preventing future weight related issues (diabetes, bad knees, hypertension, heart disease etc) and its still not enough.

 

But if we throw 20 bucks (plus bonus) into the mix Buckley is suddenly willing to face his demons.  God speed Buckley! 

Parting shot

Helllllllllllllllooooooooooooooooo!  La, la, la

Words of wisdom from the man himself

Buckley wanted to share a few words with his friends/supporters.  These words don't belong burried in the comments section so here it is for all to read. 

From the pen of Buck:
"Quite an endeavor to embark upon but I am up to the challenge. If I don’t nip my weight issue in the butt within the first two months of working at Colony, I’m pretty much resigning myself to have to pay for sex for the rest of my life. 

Let’s be honest, I was a customer long before being an employee, I love the pizza. Now I’m a junkie working in a crack den, and the only way to lay off the smack is this extra motivation. Otherwise I’d be consuming Colony’s scrumptious thin crust pies on a daily basis(time for a shameless plug, for those of you without a weight problem or if you are already regularly paying for sex, come visit me Tuesday-Friday days and every other weekend, you will not be disappointed, it really is amazing pizza). 

The X-factor in this whole deal is the rival crack den aka Subway up the street from Colony whose synthetic shit, aka turkey subs on wheat bread, hopefully will ween me off my desire for pizza. I will update my progress regularly so stay tuned for the hilarity that is sure to ensue."

Buckley,

Thanks for being a good sport and for your literary contribution.  While I do hope that you will continue to keep us updated on your state of mind remember to also stay focused on your primary goal.  In other words, don't put too much on your plate (pun intended).

Your friend,

Jim

I am all that is man!

Here's one more illustration of Buckley, in all his glory.  Sorry for the grainy quality, the photographer seems to have decided that spearing Vaseline on the lens would protect the viewer from all the gory details.

I'm make sure to provide photo updates so you can all witness the tranformation in near real time.

January 2010 B.C. (Before Colony)

As promised for all you who know or have never met the man here is a "before" picture.

....just another typical Tuesday night.


I'll try to get some more pics to post for full disclosure on his "before" status.  Stay tuned.

The challenge...

On Tuesday, July 24th, 1984 seven lbs eight ounces of bubbly flesh squeezed its way into a chilly Hartford hospital room. All considered, Francis Mark Buckley led a typical American childhood. He's a product of the American public school system, competed in little league sports, and yes, even once received an award for "Excellence in Citizenship" which distinguished him from his Marlborough, CT elementary school peers.

25 years, and 181.5 lbs later Buckley (most commonly known by his surname) has become what I would consider a pretty close friend. Moreover we've been roommates together with two other Bros for nearly a year now.  Despite having different thresholds for cleanliness the four of us get along pretty well and even manage to have a pretty good time.  Some of our common interests include but are not limited to throwing back beers, grilling out on our small but totally useful deck, indoor Corn Hole, party bus tailgates, poker tournaments or otherwise shameless gambling; which is what led us to the current challenge facing this character:

Bet: That Mark will not lose 20 lbs in 2 months time. The first weigh in was on January 11th and the final weigh in will be on March 11th at 11:59 pm.

Starting weight: 188 lbs

Target weight: 168 lbs

Wager: Here's full disclosure, Buckley and I have a bet of $20 on whether or not he has the determination to see this thing through. If anyone is interested in getting in on this action I might consider taking bets on the Over/Under (20 lbs of less Buckley that is).

Variables to consider: 1. Buckley's self control. 2. His new job at Colony Grille gives him the option to cash in on two free pizzas and three free drinks after every shift. 3. His exercise habits are mostly limited to waiting tables, scratching off lottery tickets, and walking upstairs (only when necessary).

The following story in this blog may be heroic, tragic, comical, or potentially even historic so I'll be giving updates along the way.   If you're willing I encourage you to post comments of your own so you can show your support to this mensch we all enjoy more than Chris Farley reruns.